Fun With Telemarketers
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Fun With Telemarketers
Hello people of the Internet, We’ve all had those pesky telemarketers call trying to sell us random crap we don’t need like useless software or a new cellphone to replace the one you just bought, some people don’t know how to get rid of them, the Do-Not-Call registry helps, but what do we do about those few tools who insist on calling anyway and wont take no for an answer, well we got two choices here:
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Report them to the big cheese (in this case the FTC) and sue them in the courts which is costly and stressful.
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Have fun torturing them over the phone and make them afraid to call back (don’t ya be gettin’ the wrong idea here I aint saying to threaten them or anything, just make them feel uncomfortable talking to ya, like you got a few screws loose in your head.)
To get ya started, I’ve created a list of possible conversations:
Remember– the trick aint to hang up on them telemarketers, but to make THEM hang up on you.
| Type of Call: | Example Topic: |
| Fundraiser asking for monetary pledge | Recite the pledge of allegiance fully (repeat until they hang up) |
| Salesperson wanting to sell you random crap | This one has many possibilities, but here is one topic to get you started: Try to sell them something, something tacky and random is best, for example try selling a dish sponge or some other random object. Be persistent, try to pressure them into buying your object until they hang up in frustration. Give them a taste of what they dish out. |
| College organizations calls to offer educational services | This is also open to many possibilities, recently I did this one: Tell them you are already attending the National Chicken College of America to pursue your study of chickens. Inform them that the college has a lot to offer such as the recently added course Rooster 101 and the excellent school spirit of the school mascot, the Great Nugget. The telemarketer by now will feel awkward speaking to you and either hang up or politely end the call thinking you’ve got a mental issue. |
If a telemarketer hangs up on you, mosta-da-time, they don’t call back, but if you hang up on them chances are they will call back in a few days to try again.
I hope you’ve found this to be helpful, feel free to be sharing this page with yer friends. I also hope you like my use of American Redneck English, just thought it’d be funny to be reading.
©Matthew Furman
